What’s in a Name… a Cigar Brand Name?
By David Garofalo
With thirty-years in the Cigar Business I’ve seen a lot of cigar brands come and go. I’ve sampled lots of very good cigars that, for one reason or another, just didn’t sell well and disappeared out of existence. Some of these vanishing cigars may have been priced right, had nice packaging and smoked great but still, for some reason just didn’t catch on. Is it possible that their failure could be found in their name?
Let’s look at some of the worst or possibly best names in the cigar business. I say “best” because I might have thought they were terrible names but some caught-on and continue, so maybe what is terrible to some is wonderful to others. Let’s dig in.
One of the worst ideas for a cigar name came in the 1980’s when Swisher distributed a high-end cigar that took its name from somewhere in outer space. No really, from the solar system, it was called Pleiades and it took its name from a cluster of Planets. The cigars brand made claims that they were aged and packaged in France to give good reason for their high price tags. One of the sizes was called “Uranus” standing for the planet. Despite the fact that it stands for the planet, it was referred to over and over again as “your anus” meaning your butt hole. Not a great selling point in my opinion.
Speaking of Butt, somebody came out during the cigar boom of the early 90’s with “Big Butt”. This was way before J. Lo made it sexy and seemed ridiculous to me. The brand didn’t just disappear, it was sold to another company called Consolidated Cigar which later became Altadis.
Playboy and Penthouse Magazines lent their names to cigars. The Penthouse Cigar came in glass tubes with mini pin-up pictures included. Does anyone even read those magazines any more… or did anyone ever really read them anyway? They thought that adding a little sexy to the cigar would make these cigars sell… it didn’t.
Sex sells they say, and in this case it did. Arturo Fuente Cigars came out with Opus X. They were sued by Opus One Wine, a joint venture between Robert Mondavi and Baroness Philippine de Rothschild who had lent his name to Zino Davidoff already. In an interview the folks at Fuente claimed Opus X sounded like “Sex” and that was one of the reasons behind it. Adding to it were names of the limited release sizes including Big Bad Mother F***ER, Pus*y Juice, and other vulgar, inappropriate names it seems to somehow work in this case if the name has anything to do with it.
Avanti cigars have been putting out “Ram Rod” cigars for a long time. A bourbon infused cigar with what looks like the guy from the Village People on the box. It is available in two versions, the “Big As Texas Original” and the “Ram Rod Deputy”.
When I first heard of “Acid” Cigars I thought it was the worst name for a cigar brand ever. Then came the size names, Nasty, Juicy Lucy… which I thought were even worse. Despite my feelings, they all were big successes.
How about La Aurora Cien Anos, a cigar to celebrate 100 years for the 1st cigar to be made in the Dominican Republic. With the tilde or squiggly line over “n” it means 100 years, but without it as I have it written means 100 “anus holes”… too close for comfort if you ask me.
I thought that “Tatuaje” was too tough to say or spell but using the creator’s name of Peter Johnson would bring on other thoughts…. Good call Pete.
Then there is “Fighting Cock”, a brand name honoring the prized cock fights in some Latin countries. I just can’t do it… I can’t put one in my mouth. Someone thought the “The Log” was a good name… again… not for me.
Then came the Don’s. The word “Don” is used to pay respect in Latin Countries. Don is put in front of the man’s name (Dona in front of ladies). Don’s have been used on many cigar, too many if you ask me on brands including Don Thomas, Don Diego, Don Lino, Don Benigno, Don Jose and Don Pepin to name a few. There was even a “Don Nobody”. I was surprised to never see a Donald honored making it a “Don Don”. There was a “Pom Pom” Cigar going way back. But how about a Don Wahlberg or Don Trump or how about Don Johnson or even Don Knotts.
“Flor de Baloney” and “Genuine Cuban Counterfeit” seem ridiculous to me, but somebody is buying these things. I came up with some ideas over the years including “Any Cubans” to answer the customer’s question of “Do you have Any Cubans?” Our answer would be YES but the customers didn’t find it as amusing as I apparently did.
“My Uzi Weighs a Ton”… come on, I thought “It Doesn’t Have a Chance” would have made a better name but again I was proven wrong.
Stradivarius, Diesel, Smoking Toad or even Ortsac which is Castro spelled backwards all seem crazy. As far as Ortsac goes, I actually bought the brand so who looks crazy now?
So what’s in a name, spelling or its pronunciation? I can’t properly pronounce most of them, and most of you can’t either. There is Makundo and all kinds of other ways to pronounce Macanudo. I had one guy come in and ask for a Hawaiian cigar that started with the letter “K” and we guessed it was Macanudo… and it was! “Cow” or Chow has been said to refer to C.A.O. and then there is Davendorff, I smoke nothing but Davendorff instead of Davidoff has been said too many times to count. Padron and Perdomo get confused all the time, where are your Padrons? I take them over to Padron and they look confused and ask for the Champagne. LaBomb instead of Aging Room La Boheme and Monte-Crisco which is not a new vegetable shortening but Montecristo.
So what does all this mean… what is the conclusion?
Every year before our National Cigar Convention (IPCPR) I get ready to get wow’ d by crazy names that I don’t think have a chance and then I am proven wrong again and again. So, what’s in a name… a cigar brand name? When it comes down to it, it’s all about the cigar and the cigar alone. The worst names sell great if the cigar is great. The Best names don’t sell unless the cigar is good and it is worth is price. Have I missed any crazy names like Asylum, Psycho Seven, Warped, Toxic, or One Shot One Kill?
Let me know your favorite.
